GRAVITY FOURTEEN -- Tuesday, September 29, 1992

"This Is Not Junk Mail"

Today I'll talk about image, as promised, but a different kind of
image. Instead on my mind is self-image, and perhaps its relevence to why people are so goddamned apathetic these days.

We grow up and the one word we hear the most is No.

"No your not supposed to do it that way."
"No contractions in formal writing."
"No straying from the point."
"No I'm on the phone."
"No I just don't have the time."

It may be a weakness, but I can't help but feel tender-hearted at times.
For so very long I've worked on things by myself, and the only times I've let others in were times my audience couldn't touch me. I'd write poems and give them away to waitresses at bars. I'd conspire with people at the beach. I'd write letter after letter after letter to people in my life, knowing that I wouldn't get a response. Always without expecting a response.

People just don't have the time.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm being self-indulgent again. I've strayed from the point again. But have I?

If there's one thing I probably do know, it's being deathly afraid to
take a chance, to put your head clear out on the block, and either wait
for the axe, or the accolades. I can't imagine that any of you are so well established in your fields that you don't tremble a little bit whenever the verdict is due on what you've done. I come home and think, "It's time to check my mail." Some nights I'm afraid to. I tell myself to just delete all the acknowledgements, the non-responses, and then later read the real stuff. I have to gather strength to read my reviews.

This isn't weakness, but the real thing. It's part of being a creative
person. It's part of trying to do something wholly new and worthwhile.

"But what does this have to do with control-codes?"

Quite a lot, actually. My efforts have always been aimed at those who are sometimes afraid to try. Who are beaten back by a time-hungry world that demands a point. Who tremble quite profoundly when they're forced to consider the question, "But will they care?"

I'm very thankful for your words of encouragement...

Norman Girardot: "you should be less apologetic and continue to blast away... dorks beware and dwell always on the te of piglet (or something like that)."

Bob Barnes: "Interesting--I look forward to more."

Barbara Frankel: "It will be fun to listen in and try to guess What It
All Means."

Steven Goldman: "It is a relief to know that someone out there is actually wrestling with the need to know something."

Joe Lucia: "I guess your postings are doing their work--you got me to
put down these thoughts, in any case."

Tomorrow: visual image.

To: Norman Girardot